If bored with most of humanity
And in need of a friendship more potent
I find my best advice to thee
Is to select a fitting rodent
Rats have kept me company
But I’m not the only one
Victorian Uppercrust England is
Where rat fancy begun
Smart as any pet you choose
And capable of tricks
You blame them for bubonic plague
When you should blame their ticks
They grind their teeth to show their joy
They chirp and squeak and fight
It’s just their game, boys will be boys
Above the belt’s alright
They eat what I eat
Sleep when I sleep
Help me bug the cat
I’ll never need to raise a son
So long as there are rats.
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